whatever. whatever. the beda must go on.
so i was walking to spanish class and this girl had a backpack with blue and yellow stars on it and it totally set me off and i wasn't thinking and i walked into my advisory class thinking it was my spanish class and i was so lost and confused.
and i kept singing woke up new quietly to myself in the hallways and i felt awful and comforted at the same time.
and i was in chorus and reading and i missed her and then i like, imagined her like a ghost only i could see or something and she like, sat with me, and i put my head on her shoulder and she was smiling and laughing at how dumb i was being in chorus and she was all healthy and it was beautiful but only i could see it and i dunno.
and in math i just stopped listening and i thought about her and i saw birds fly past my window and they were beautiful and they were flying and i thought of her more and yeah.
people asked me all day where i was the day before and i just told them it was an excused abscences and they kind of let it go and didn't ask much but yeah.
yeah.
and i took off my friendship necklace to shower and i don't know if i put it back on or wear it as a bacelet or what to do with it i don't know what to do with it.
and my mom said to let her keep my books and i think it fits because she wanted to read them and i bet she read them and like how in ancient egypt they left things in the tomb so the person could use them in the afterlife?
that's how i feel about those books.
i just wanna know what they're gonna do with her necklace half.
because i want her to keep it.
and her passing seems pure now. she was in pain her whole time and now she's free and she's probably like hanging someplace reading all the books she wants she's probably already mockingjay she's probably traveling through time.
it just seems so unjust and pure and final and absolute and not enough and too much, it all.
seriously, I feel like she's just chillin somewhere reading books and drinking some refreshment and not hooked to oxygen or any machine and just happy.
ReplyDeletemaddie they can probably put her half of the necklace with her so that she has it. (i hope you know what i'm saying here because i cant say exactly what i'm talking about i cant)
ReplyDeletei keep seeing things and thinking of her too. like there was a bug on me on campus while i was reading and it was just chillin on my shirt not moving or anything just staring at me and i just get weird feelings abotu little stuff like that now
that kitten showed up at my house and it looks at me and i gave it bread and water and don't know
ReplyDeletei still don't know what to do
ReplyDelete