Tuesday, August 31, 2010

BEDA won.

E passed and it seemed like everything else was insignificant.
So BEDA has owned me......this year.

So yeah, personal rant. You don't even have to read this.
I hate decisions. I hate them I hate them I hate them. I would always be that friend when somebody asked me what I wanted to do that day I would say, "I dunno, whatever you wanna do." and then we would go to the mall and I would hate every minute of it.
Like if I have two choices, I'm good.
Like "coke or pepsi?" coke. duh.
Like if it's two options, one will always be the obvious answer for me.
But if there's like six or seven different options and they're all obvious answers for me I freak out and I cannot handle it.
Like hopefully my roommate in college will just decide what to eat every day for me.
Or else I'll just have chinese and pizza every day.
Because I know those two things work for me, and it's just two decisions.
i'm a creature of habit.
I go to McDonald's and get a number ten, medium, with a coke.
every single time.
Walk into any restaurant I've been to more than twice, and I already have my order. already. I don't need a menu, really.
so yeah, personal rant!~~~~

Friday, August 27, 2010

BEDA DAY 26

whatever. whatever. the beda must go on.
so i was walking to spanish class and this girl had a backpack with blue and yellow stars on it and it totally set me off and i wasn't thinking and i walked into my advisory class thinking it was my spanish class and i was so lost and confused.
and i kept singing woke up new quietly to myself in the hallways and i felt awful and comforted at the same time.
and i was in chorus and reading and i missed her and then i like, imagined her like a ghost only i could see or something and she like, sat with me, and i put my head on her shoulder and she was smiling and laughing at how dumb i was being in chorus and she was all healthy and it was beautiful but only i could see it and i dunno.
and in math i just stopped listening and i thought about her and i saw birds fly past my window and they were beautiful and they were flying and i thought of her more and yeah.
people asked me all day where i was the day before and i just told them it was an excused abscences and they kind of let it go and didn't ask much but yeah.
yeah.
and i took off my friendship necklace to shower and i don't know if i put it back on or wear it as a bacelet or what to do with it i don't know what to do with it.
and my mom said to let her keep my books and i think it fits because she wanted to read them and i bet she read them and like how in ancient egypt they left things in the tomb so the person could use them in the afterlife?
that's how i feel about those books.
i just wanna know what they're gonna do with her necklace half.
because i want her to keep it.
and her passing seems pure now. she was in pain her whole time and now she's free and she's probably like hanging someplace reading all the books she wants she's probably already mockingjay she's probably traveling through time.
it just seems so unjust and pure and final and absolute and not enough and too much, it all.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

BEDA DAY 25

We all know what happened.
I'm still not processing it. I know tomorrow I'm gonna be history and something funny is going to happen and I'm going to think, " Oh I want to tell Esther," and I'll just break down.
Like it's just coming to me in bits and pieces. And my brother kept asking me questions and I was like, "Wow. Wow. Really?"
But yeah, I'm going up there for the service and things. I've no idea how it's going to work out, and may entail me walking anywhere, but I won't care, not at all.
Since I knew, my main secret wish was to be there. Like no matter what.
And her last words. I just want to KNOW so much. I don't wanna be a Pudge to her Alaska. I wanna know.
I dunno. I dunno.
But I just think all of these wishes to her family and to her are so irrelvant. I knew her before you did. I had jokes you didn't. I knew her as a person, not an idea. I knew her as the girl that was my best friend, who introduced me to all my friends. Not, Oh That Girl Who Was In John's Video.
And I've read Looking for Alaska many times and I've read the last three books of Harry Potter so many times and I've gone through all those deaths and losses but, books can never prepare you quite enough.
But I get what they mean, when Harry questions the bright sunlight after Dumbledore's death. Or why the battle had not ceased after Fred.
And every laugh seems hollow and fake and wrong and I dunno. I don't know how I'll go on. Will I ever take off my necklace that she has the other half of? Will I ever take off the wristband?
Will I ever get over it? Will I ever forget her so that I can never imagine her correctly and only remember the memory or idea of her?
Ugh (TO BRING IT BACK TO ME) I let her borrow books and do I take them back or do I leave them or what do you do with her stuff or??? I was gonna go up there in October and we were gonna watch Harry Potter.
There's just the list of things I wanted to do with her but we never did.
So, just, tell people you love them. If you wanna do something with someone, do it with them. You honestly don't know what will happen a month or a week or a day or even a couple hours in the future.
Thomas Edison's last words were "It's beautiful over there." I hope there is a there, and it better be beautiful.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

BEDA DAY 24

ESTHER.
Esther is sick and she's at the ICU and I feel horrible and awful and I wish I HAD A SUPERPOWER that could just make her feel better or that Radio Disney actually DID cure cancer or ugh.
Esther baby~
We're probably gonna hang out sometime in October because it was go on a cruise (and have fun but not much) or go to Esther and Boston and yeah. I miss her face and her puff and how she would be the cutest damn thing when she was tired and fighting to stay awake. And we need to watch Harry Potter.
So yeah. Esther, have faith we'll learn to swim with the help of our friends.<3

Days until Hogwarts: A week. A WEEK.
Last song scrobbled: Lion's Teeth - The Mountain Goats

Monday, August 23, 2010

BEDA DAY 23

School was fine.
My advisory teacher is really nice. Advisory is like homeroom except we only have it on Wednesdays between second and third period. My advisory teacher kept making jokes about the bathroom. It was great.
Chem (first period) owns because the teacher owns. And he said it was really math based and he lectures and has stuff on a powerpoint which is how I ENJOY LEARNING.
Spanish was okay. I only know like two people. And one person was this guy that I have had like, an "awkward past" with so.... fun times.
Third is English and the teacher made us fill in a sheet with what we like to read and the first question was something like "What's your favorite subject to read about?"
and my first answer was "post-apocalyptic Utopian societies". So. And then she was like, "We have to read some books but we can also read books considering the media center has class sets of some books. So at the bottom of the survey I wrote this strongly written note about how LfA is in our library and I want to read it. And then at the end we talked Hunger Games. She has yet to read Catching Fire. Come on, woman! Mockingjay comes out tomorrow.
MOCKINGJAY COMES OUT TOMORROW.
I'm wearing my Hunger Games shirt to school tomorrow so B) bitches.
Fourth is acting with the new acting teacher who left to go teach art or something but now he's back and he's really enthusiastic and I really like him. He's making us do like an audition sheet for the thing. And I have a bunch of friends in there. It's going to be awesome.
And then I have lunch with like....normal people and it's really weird but a bunch of my friends who got outta IB have it to I can hang out with them too as well as my non-IB friends who I never talk to~
And then after lunch I have choir and it's a capella and there's a lot of guys and I'm really excited except I can't do the do-reh-me thing backwards so HAHAH welp.
Then I've got history and that's okay and I like how the teacher talks about things and I have it with people I like and yeah. AP Human Geo. I am excite.
And then the last class I have pre-calc and the FIRST DAY the teacher gave us a lesson and gave us homework and I was like, ".........I'm in love." and so yeah. Yeah.
Then I walked home and it was really hot and I kept making myself not sing aloud also it's a lot some crossing of streets and I'm not the best at it and~~~
But then I got home and put on shorts and ate chicken fries and drank coke and listened to music so... yeah.
I could get used to the schedule.
And then maybe when it gets a bit colder I can walk farther like to the bookstore or something. So yeah. I'm really excited for school. I'm just worried about the position of my locker w/r/t my classes? Like I'm sure it'll be fine... but still. Hopefully I wont have to cart my English textbook everywhere.
MOCKINGJAY COMES OUT TOMORROW.
Also I'm gonna go see Esther "The Butt" Earl in October (also probably Arka Pain (arkapain)) while my mom and bros go on a cruise.
OH! OH! Also. Our english teacher had a question on the survey that was like "list some slang" and I put "lol-Lots of Love".

Days till Hogwarts: EIGHT DAYS
Last song scrobbled: Everything You Ever Hoped or Worked For - Nana Grizol

Sunday, August 22, 2010

BEDA DAY 22

Okay, so this will be Catitude house, if money and like, physics was not a problem:

So there will be a bunch of rooms. We're gonna live in a castle, yo.
So there's going to be like this huge ass TV in the main room. And it's gonna be connected to a computer, so if somebody is on blogTV, or a new Youtube video is on, we can all just watch it together.
And the kitchen will be big enough for like three people but we'll probably just order pizza or chinese food every single night.
The kitchen is for baked goods. And macaroni & cheese.
And then we all have our separate bedrooms. Three doors in that room: Bathroom, closet, and own personal library. And our rooms are all personalised and have great lighting for when we make videos for youtube.com and the walls are decorated just the way we want them.
And then we have the main bedroom which is actually just a huge trampoline with a skylight thingy in the ceiling so we can see the ~stars~ and shit. And so you can just sleep in your room or you can snuggle on a fucking trampoline.
And then there's like a room where we entertain guests because we fucking own and people wanna hang with us. So we'd have like guest rooms or something.
And we would probably have like a ~music~ room that houses all the music things we would need for anything. With like all these music playing devices and all of our instruments and shit.
And then we'd have to have a video game room. Video games own.
And then we'd have a reading room, which will have like a curtain in the middle, because as Arka points out, girls "bother" guys when they read. But as I argue, boys "bother" girls also so we would need a sheet but not a wall because I think it's fun to listen to people read books also I enjoy listening to people say books aloud.
And we'd probably have like a game room for board games.
Tuesday is movie night and Wednesday is game night.
And we have like this great TV package and we watch Doctor Who and Mad Men or whatever the hell else televisions shows that we watch. Also movie marathons on like ABC Familys. Those OWN.

Yeah. That's what happens. Also we have an intense swing set and probably like a pool. Also close by is a house which houses our families or something. Also we magically have great jobs and the school that we want to go to nearby. Also Wizarding World. Actually we probably just live on Nerdfighteria the island, so we don't even have to worry about missing any nerd music shows or public transportation because Nerdfighteria has that already covered. Also we have this great eco-friendly jet that will fly us to the closest city so we can go to like, a Mountain Goats show, or TMBG, or some other band we like. Also we have a private movie theater on Nerdfighteria. So.

Days until school: TOMORROW. SHIT.
Days until HOGWARTS: nine?
Last song scrobbled: Exterminate, Regenerate by Chameleon Circuit

Saturday, August 21, 2010

BEDA DAY 21

So school starts Monday.
Monday.
MONDAY.
I'm both so ready and so not ready. Tomorrow we drive back from Boca Raton (btw, we're in Boca Raton right now) and we're gonna have to CLEAR TARGET OUT for back to school things for the boys, and then Monday after school I have to FILM using this camera for which I have no idea to get the videos from the camera onto the computer. So. So.
Also after school I have to go back to Target and purchase MY THINGS for the school year.
Ugh ugh ugh.
My backpack is red and it has all my pin/buttons and my Make A Wish button I got and a Ravenclaw pin and I wrote William McKinley's last words (We are all going.) on it. And then my Daily Planner has a pizzajohn meme and I colored some of the icons from John's website and it has some other of my "obsessions" on it represented somehow and I just love it so much. And yeah. I just don't know any of my teachers and I have Chem first period and there's no place to get breakfast on the way to school and I'm on Academic Probation and apparently I don't have IB lunch but.... yeah. I think I'll be okay. I'll have people I know and access to a library full of books I want to read and a comfy bed and an iPod filled with music I like.

Days until semester starts: Two? One?
Days until Hogwarts: Ten.
Last song Scrobbled: The Mountain Goats – Going to Reykjavik

Friday, August 20, 2010

BEDA DAY 20

GONNA SUMMARIZE THE HUNGER GAMES/CATCHING FIRE BECAUSE VALERIE ASKED ME TO ALSO SO I DON'T HAVE TO REMEMBER TO BLOG TOMORROW:

i'm going on this totally from memory (also help from catitude). i'm re-reading hunger games now, so bear with me.

hunger games: (background information)
so basically in a post-apocolyptic society/utopia place every year the capital city (panem-but it's usually just called "the capitol") has these things called the hunger games and two tributs (girl and guy) from each district (12) have a fight to the death because a long time ago there was some rebellion w/r/t the districts and the capitol didn't like that so they totally destroyed the 13th district with nuclear bombs or something and then the capitol imposed the hunger games to remind the districts how STUPID the rebellion is and how the districts are totally at the mercy of their overlords the capitol. so each district has a "niche" or something they create like twelve is coal mining, and and thirteen WAS nuclear stuff.
so disctrict twelve is super poor and a lot of them have to struggle for food but those asshats in the capitol eat themselves silly, drink something that makes them throw up, and drink more. also they're very pro-plastic surgery and altering themselves. kind of like all the pretties in Pretty Town.

hunger games: (plot)
this girl katniss lives with her mom who knows herbs and shit because she uses them for medic and things and katniss' sister prim is like an angel and everybody loves her. katniss used to hunt in the woods outside district 12 (where she lives) with her dad but then he died so now she hunts with this guy gale who is katniss' best friend and she thinks there's nothing ~romantic~ going on between them. so. so katniss and gale have like this HUGE CHANCE to be called to be in the hunger games but instead prim gets called and katniss takes her place. and then this guy peeta comes up because he's called and the mayor's daughter gives katniss' this pin of a MOCKINGJAY (which is like, a big FU to the capitol) and so the remaining winner of the hunger games from d. 12 is this drunk named haymitch and he decides katniss and peeta as "worthy" or s/t so he decides to help out. blah blah blah peeta professes his love for katniss (pretty much genuine, which is cute. but they're going to have to kill each other) and katniss is like "oh. welp." and the games start and katniss almost dies of thirst and peeta is pretending to be a "career tribute" which are these tributes who have been trained ALL THEIR LIVES to perform in the hunger games. (and here is where i am up to in the book so the rest is gonna be a bit dim)
um katniss and rue (this girl from a district who can run fast and reminds katniss of prim) have an alliance but then rue gets shot or something and katniss does this beautiful thing where she makes a headdress of flowers and sings this song for rue and so afterwards uh the d. from rue also sponsers katniss and it's really cute (and i think i cried reading it which was awkward because i was at a wedding shower and everything was happy and here i was reading about death and violence and crying)
and then somehow uh peeta (remember him?) gets hurt and he's left for dead and katniss saves him and they have like the CUTEST little time being a couple and such in a cave somewhere and it's being broadcasted to the whole world and peeta thinks it's real and he's probably thinking "the girl of my dreams..." and katniss is thinking "okay if i kiss him like this, we can get medicine" which is totally bitchy of her but like as some moments she's kind of falling for peeta (i was :3 all those chapters) and it's really cute but the capitol has pressure from the viewers because they ship peeta/katniss (like i do) so they release this thing that two tributes can win if they're from the same d. so basically peeta and katniss are going to win. so they're all dead except for peeta, katniss, and some other tribute and then these HUGE WOLVES come out and they've got the eyes/souls of the other tributes except they totally want to kill peeta and katniss and the other tribute. so they kill the wolves and the other tribute and so they think they've won but then the capitol is like "JK SUCKAS. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE WINNER" so katniss and peeta decide to take these berries that're posionouse so that way NOBODY WINS AND FU CAPITOL AND PANEM AND THESE GAMES but then the capitol is like "shit. that would not be good." so they declare that the two can win. and some other things happen i can't really remember but yeah.

catching fire: (even more general than hunger games)
so peeta and katniss are back home and gale totally professes his love for katniss and katniss: the bitch is like "i know." and gale is like "what a heartless bitch." and then it's the 75th anniversary of the hunger games so the "twist" is that previous winners are the ones who have to compete. so katniss and gale are OBVIOUSLY in it again (SURPRISE) and before, when they were gloating about winning to all the other d.s some stuff happened that was like "sign for rebellion" or s/t and there was something how the mockingjay is the sign of the resistance and how d. 13 isn't as dead as we think it is and there were news reports in the mayor's office about planned rebellions in the other districts so like a couple days or something into the hunger games big transport things fall outta the sky and katniss is picked up but the capitol has peeta and OH MY GOD the resistance is on and haymitch knew about it and they're traveling to d. 13 that's where catching fire ends. a cliffhanger (and me throwing the book across the room in anger)

BEDA DAY 19

AHHH I NEED TO BLOG
BEDA YOU CANNOT WIN
UGH UGH UGH
Um, I'm at my friend's house because it's her birthday. Her roommate, my brother, and me have been playing Super Mario Wii for about an hour.
I love Mario. And I love people playing Mario. I love people stressing out about Mario. I love stressing out about Mario.
Mario is the best game ever~~
Okay, yeah.
I have lunch with my ~bro~ and dad tomorrow (I dunno where we're going) and then HOPEFULLY a trip to Tampa International Mall because I want a Mockingjay shirt~~~ (also they have Harry Potter shirts. Also I love Hot Topic's pins).
But yeah. Today was a good day. I woke up early and had orientation and I got a BOTTOM LOCKER and I saw all my friends from school that I missed. It was nice.
It makes me not-so-anxious about school starting again.
Which is, you know, nice.
Dad needs to ~calm down~ because he calls mom constantly and obviously mom doesn't answer because they fight/yell almost every time they talk so.....
I'm really glad Michael will be at lunch tomorrow.
Whatever.
It'll be fun.

Days until school starts: four days (yikes)
When I woke up: nine thirty am ish. way too early.
Last song I scrobbled: Secondhand Serenade- Fall For You

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

BEDA DAY 18

EVERYBODY JUST CALM DOWN
Just calm down and have fun with the internet. The internet is a place for most people to just FORGET about their real lives for a couple hours, don't put drama on the internet. Don't create internet drama. It's the worst thing!!
I got a headache all of a sudden so I just want to sleep because I have orientation in less than twelve hours so~~~
Seriously everything is going in one ear and coming out the other and my brain is not processing it.
Online is wonderful and all but it's nice to see a person's face and see their facial reaction to things they say and it's nice to have a warm body and is it LeakyCon already? I haven't read any of my book all days so I have to read 70 pages tomorrow welp~~
I have to have lunch with my dad on Friday. Joy etc.
I dunno where Katie is. SHE HAS TO BLOG.
Okay, okay. I'm going to make french fries.


Days until school starts: five (5) days~~
When I woke up: two-ish
Things I have eaten today: coke and we went to chili's and i ate a bunch of food from there and some leftover chinese
Last song I scrobbled: Swing Life Away (cover) -HeyKelsey

BEDA DAY 17

shit shit shit shit gotta blog YOU CAN'T WIN, BEDA.
Okay so I got my schedule and it was all fine and dandy EXCEPT um
Chem's first which worries me because I NEVER pay attention really to first period and I'm usually always late to first period and I don't know the English teacher?? And I have acting again BUT I HAVE CHORUS :))) but the first history teacher I liked but now I have another history teacher and I think THEY'RE the history teacher that gives all the homework so ))): also i have math last period AGAIN which SUCKS because I REALLY LIKE math and I don't like having it last period because I REALLY DON'T LIKE STAYING AT SCHOOL THE WHOLE DAY like if I'm sick I always think "No!! I have to stay the whole day because I really enjoy math class!!" ~forever nerd~
Um my IRL friend Dan Brown (video blogger, not novelist) and I freaked out a bit? Tried to find out if she was a NERDFIGHTER because Youtube is MY THING, YOU KNOW?!
I like, invented it??
Okay. Okay. I blogged. All is well.

Days until school starts: six days~~
When I woke up: 10:58 am? i think?
Things I have eaten today: mint choco. chip ice cream and the rest of my chicken strips )::: and some chickfila nuggets and waffle fries and a sonic corn dog and some coke and ~~
Last song I scrobbled: The Mountain Goats – Itzcuintli-Totzli Days

Monday, August 16, 2010

BEDA DAY 16

Um. I got my schedule today. And they STILL have to fix some things with regards to my electives but yeah, my schedule. School starts in a week. I'm really not ready. School is seeing people all the time and waking up early and going to bed late and not listening to the music I want to listen to all the time and having to pay attention to things I don't want to and not eat the things I want to eat. Ugh school school school school. I'm no good at social things ever.
I have like three groups of people who always ask me if I want to do something and I kind of go, "Oh.... I've got a thing that day I cannot." OR I just don't answer them or I'm sick or something. I just DON'T do anything. Like I'm all for adventurous novels that involve staying out really late (Nick and Norah's is like my favorite book) but me? Myself? No thanks. I'm just so aware on the consequences and everything.
Beach? Bad sunburn.
High school party? Alcohol and drugs and ew.
Mall? Third wheel.
I'm just not good at being social with "popular" people or whatever. I'd rather be with my nerd friends, on a skype call, just breathing. That is unironically the ideal night for me, really. I'm just such a nerd and whatever. I don't like going outside of the house and being "irl" takes a lot out of me and I'm very introverted.
I'd rather stay home and watch a marathon of Doctor Who than go to Applebee's.
Deal with it. (cool)

Days until school starts: SEVEN DAYS AHH
When I woke up: like eight. and i worried that i had to be up earlier than i had to be.
Things I have eaten today: strawberry frosted cheerios and some chicken fries and french fries and some sweet&sour chicken and some rice it was v. good and a bunch of coke duh
Last song I scrobbled: imadethismistake – College or a Broken Nose

Sunday, August 15, 2010

BEDA DAY 15

AHHH I HAVE TO TALK WITH MS SHEETS TOMORROW
I AM NERVOUS
But Blaze singing Harry and the Potters is super calming.
Also very interesting.
I did so much shit today I'm exhausted. I'm not looking forward to school when I have to wake up early and be up late. Like it's only ten thirty and I want to sleep so bad.
Okay. Okay. Now it's like eleven. I need to blog and call Lindsay.
I showered!! And I got clothing and new shoes (I got those red shoes that Ten wears and I can't think of the "technical" term for them welp).
I went clothing shopping. And I basically made my mom figure out what kind of jeans I needed because even though I'm fifteen I'm kind of like "uh, these look okay? oh wait they're a size three woops i'll just leave of embarrassment" but actually I did need jeans.
And I got a white long sleeve button up thing for September 1st so hopefully it won't be super hot~
Yeah, uh. Nothing much to talk about question mark?
Um. TOP SEVEN FAVORITE MOUNTAIN GOATS SONGS
Alpha Rats Nest
Source Decay
Color In Your Cheeks
Woke Up New
You Or Your Memory
Old College Try
Oceanographer's Choice


Until I pick up my schedule: ugh tomorrow ugh ugh ugh
When I woke up: noon
Things I have eaten today: hashbrowns and ham and sprite and coke and some DELICIOUS cheese sticks and fries and onion rings from SONIC ugh so delicious gimme (i still have a corndog from there that i should eat soon~)
Last song I scrobbled: The Remus Lupins – Battle At The Ministry

Saturday, August 14, 2010

BEDA DAY 14

I've reading last words and suicide notes for the past hour?
Some are really wonderful, and some are kind of silly.
For example, Ulysses Grant 's lasts were "Water."
Suicide notes make me both really creeped out and sad because like to take your own life kind of sucks.
And ~death~ and shit haha. Remember death?
And I just hope my last word's are memorable and that people who put stock in last words (like I do) are there with me to write mine down or something.
Also, I walked across a big street today by myself. I was terrified ugh ugh ugh.
But it was okay, I was okay. I didn't get hit or anything. But it was SO HOT.
Damn Florida heat.

Until I pick up my schedule: 2 days
When I woke up: 11amish
Things I have eaten today: coke and water and chicken parm. and slightly underdone french fries and chicken stick things
Last song I scrobbled: The Mountain Goats – Isaiah 45:23

Friday, August 13, 2010

BEDA DAY 11

I'm babysitting at a friends house. The kids fell asleep like ten minutes ago. I just keep watching Disney Channel (I'm very excited for Camp Rock 2). The laptop is in the glass room in the middle of the dark, and I'm sitting on the most uncomfortable chair, and the laptop's keyboard is really weird. But, y'know, whatever. BEDA can't beat me.

My dad called me. He didn't know I was babysitting. Didn't know I was on Siesta Key. I don't care that he doesn't know, I'm just annoyed that he wants to know at the last minute, when it's convient to him. I dunno, it just seems like my mom was my favorite parents, that my dad and I never had anything really to talk about.
I don't have plans this weekend (no suprise). He asked if I wanted to spend the weekend over at his house. I said I didn't care really. He said he didn't like that answer. Well fuck him. It's my answer. As long as I've got a bed to sleep in and power for my laptop, I don't really care where I'm staying the night. If I'm at my mom or my dad's, I'm just holed up in my room. It doesn't matter much where I am anymore.
So yeah, that Mystery DFTBA shirt. I'm really fucking excited for that. Probably gonna ask my mom to get me soon. Also my mom is taking me and my bro Michael to go see a fan run version of AVPM (haha). Arielle is gonna be there and some other people I know. So I'm excited. And Monday I'll finally get my schedule.

I like other people's houses. They always seem more put together, more like homes, than mine every did/do. Katie has college move-in thing tomorrow. I'm excited.

Until I pick up my schedule: 3 days
When I woke up: nine am? i dunno. early.
Things I have eaten today: kitkat bar and coke and some mac&cheese
Last song I scrobbled: The Mountain Goats – Marduk T-Shirt Men’s Room Incident

Thursday, August 12, 2010

BEDA DAY 12

SO I WAS GOING TO WHINE ABOUT MY SCHEDULE AND IMAGINE THE FUTURE BECAUSE IT'S A NICE KIND OF NOSTALGIA
but then i didn't get my schedule
SO YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL MONDAY.

So I've got to babysit tomorrow which is terrible because babysitting is the sterotypical job for teenage girls from age of thirteen until sixteen or even eighteen. And I hate it so much. The kids are always hyperactive and never recognize your authority because they usually see you as a friend and not as an adult and it's terrible and the parents has a special way of handling the kid and you can't copy it and blah blah blah. Two families who both have hyperactive kids and I usually sleep half the time because they ask me over so early/so late and the only teenage girl they know is me so I'm always first to ask. The only reason I'm doing is this is because I get paid.
I like money.
I like to purchase books.
So yeah this is why I'm going to go to college to get a degree so I can get a job that I actually will like that makes me happy and makes me feel like I'm benefiting society.
I would hate to be stuck in a dead-end job forever in some office doing something I'm not interested in to get very little money to buy things that don't interest me.
I don't want that kind of life.
SO YEAH~

Until I pick up my schedule: jklol 4 days
When I woke up: 730 am UGH
Things I have eaten today: mcd's and coke and gummies
Last song I scrobbled: Madeline AvaI'm a Little Dinosaur (which you can hopefully download for free by just clicking here ty to last.fm)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

BEDA DAY 11

METAPHORS AND SHIT~~

Okay so there's a paragraph in Paper Towns that makes me think so much and I just love it.
"But there are a thousand ways to look at it: maybe the strings break, or maybe our ships sink, or maybe we're grass-- our roots so interdependent that no one id dead as long as someone is still alive. We don't suffer from a shortage of metaphors, is what I mean. But you have to be careful which metaphor you choose, because it matters. If you choose the strings, then you're imagining a world in which you can become irreparable broken. If you choose the grass, you're saying that we are all infinitely interconnected, that we can use the root systems not only to understand one another but to become one another. The metaphors have implications."

Which is basically my thought entirely. The metaphor or simile or comparison you use describes what you think of a thing at the moment and how you wish/think what the outcome will be.

For instance if a really good friend got back from vacation and you said "I felt like a Hermione without my Ron" that means you're implying that he's the RON to your HERMIONE and you're meant for each other or something.

Like MAYBE I'm taking things people say way too literally but, yeah. Metaphors and similes and comparisons matter so damn much.
So be careful kids, when making metaphors. You don't want to fry my brain over thinking things.

Until I pick up my schedule: TOMORROW AHHHHHH
When I woke up: 1130 ish~ am
Things I have eaten today: cookies and coke and cold leftover chicken nuggets that were so good
Last song I scrobbled: Taylor SwiftUntouchable

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

BEDA DAY 10

I'M SO VERY TIRED AND WHEN I FINISH THIS I AM GOING TO SLEEP UNTIL NOON TOMORROW I HOPE.
When I'm having an "all dayer" or a "reset day" or w/e or basically I'm just really tired my day kind of goes like this:
1) really tired and moping about how tired i am
2) running on adrenaline and talking a lot and quite loudly and not thinking about what i'm saying so it's just babble and usually nobody but me can understand it but me
3) that step goes on for quite some time
4) i watch a movie or some relaxing thing in a cold room and i want to go to sleep so very much but i cannot
5) eat
6) be so tired that noised bother you and streetlights do not and suddenly the inside of a car door is very comfortable and my brothers talking about baseball is the most annoying thing in the world and "SHUT UP PLEASE THIS IS ALL YOU EVER TALK ABOUT"
7) get home. get on the internet. be exhausted. do something "important"
8) sleep for a very long time (hopefully)

i'm currently at step seven.

OKAY THINGS I LIKE THERE ARE SO MANY

people
the miracle of human consciousness
the ability to spell
the english language
when i help somebody with a problem in class and they don't really know me but i'm happy to help anyway
when i finally figure out the most difficult math problem in the world
really dirty innuendos
making a really bad joke and then laughing at my own joke
authors
books that i can reread over and over again and the jokes still make me laugh and the thoughtful things still make me thing
when you see a cute boy in public and you awkwardly look at him and then look away
people watching in the mall
trying on dresses that cost more than the whole outfit i'm wearing
hot chocolate when it's cold out
wizard rock
sad music that makes me happy
fluffy animals sitting on my chest
an ice cold soda
things i wear that friends gave me
liking a book that i randomly found
collecting unimportant things and making them important
streetlights
playing video games with my little brothers
new journals and folders and pens
newly painted nails
john's
memes that are dumb but they still make me laugh
people that point out my mistakes but just laugh at them
people complimenting me (cool)
my friends getting somewhere in life
taylor swift songs (GUILTY PLEASURE WHATUP)
daydreaming about the thing i'm doing just with somebody i like
doing things i like with people i like
wizard rock
watching a dumb sappy romantic comedy
reading a dumb sappy fanfic
listening to a dumb sappy song
observing people in the hallways and noticing things about them that nobody else would
youtube covers
songs about long distance friendships/relationships
breakfast food
british actors acting
nerdfighterlike
nerdfighterlike
did i say i like nerdfighterlike? i think it's wonderful
the ingenuity of humans and their capacity to be wonderful and dumb and stupid and creative and copy and self-destructive and self-deprecating and self-involved and so very selfless and self-respectful and funny and cute and ugly and annoying and so VERY cute and smart and sarcastic and WOW I LOVE HUMANS
zefron

Until I pick up my schedule: 2 days (my friend already got her's- damn edline_
When I woke up: two am est ahhhhh
Things I have eaten today: wendy's and coke and chicken parm. and pizza and fries
Last song I scrobbled: Bowl of Oranges - Bright Eyes

Monday, August 9, 2010

BEDA DAY 9

Katie isn't awake yet~ so I dunno what our prompt is.
But I think I'm just gonna "talk" about, y'know, drugs and shit.
I HATE drugs. So much. So very much. I don't take cold medicine and I don't take advil or w/e for headaches and I never take and kind of drug. Drugs and alcohol and w/e else, I don't like it. At all.
Now you're probably thinking, "Oh you're just a baby you'll loosen up once you're of age" or some shit. No. Fuck you.
I have seen my dearest friends go from intelligent people to druggies and sluts in about a WEEK because they went to some dumb party where they drank and did drugs, and suddenly nothing was good enough except getting their next high. This was, uh, MIDDLE SCHOOL.
Fucking society.
People just change so much under the influence and it's not healthy for body or mind or the people around them. I was in this ~theater group~ last year and the leader lady said how humans seek for highs and you could either get your high off of things like drugs or you could act, which is totally safe and fun and actually, you know, makes you a better person in many ways.
So yeah, sorry if I grow all cold and distant if you tell me you're smoking or drinking or something. I'd rather focus on the positive things in my life

Until I pick up my schedule: 3 days
When I woke up: nine am est
Things I have eaten today: coke and gummies and french fries
Last song I scrobbled: Days of Summer - Starkid Company

Sunday, August 8, 2010

BEDA DAY 8

So I woke up this morning, turned to my computer, clicked the space bar, and Be My Witch by the Mudbloods started playing. I believe this is a significant indicator of a good day to come. Then I opened Skype to see who was online, and NONE of Catitude was online. None. I feel the need to go invisible just so NOBODY in Catitude is online.
I'm still sick. My head hurts already, I've already blown my nose, drank a lot of water, and coughed a bunch. So, yay.
The prompt today (Oh look! A prompt! Who'd imagine!) is what fictional character affected us the most. But what's interesting about books (and TV and movies) is that the story very rarely does not revolve around one character. Like how reality is not focused around you (no matter how much you tell yourself that it is). So while any book can affect you, it's a mark of a good writer or story teller when a CHARACTER affects us.
I honestly don't know. I looked through my Goodreads to see books. But it can be any fictional character, yes? I'm still stumped. Fictional people may be fictional but they still have an impact that regular people have on you. Picking a fictional character would be like picking an influential person. The MOST influential person.
I totally just tried to get out of answering the question. Welp.
Gonna go with Hermione Granger.
Oh waaaaaaaah obvious answer etc etc. At least I didn't pick DUMBLEDORE or HARRY POTTER or THE DOCTOR or some random obscure character.
Hermione Granger is the best. She's studious and can never control her hair. She nags her friends to do work while doing a lot of her own too. And she went from a little twelve-year-old who was not the CUTEST thing out there with terrible hair to this beautiful, mature woman who didn't take shit from anybody. And she got her guy in the end.
etc etc etc

So I dreamed it was an alien invasion or s/t and I was an ambassador for the whole of the world. The alien seemed to be really big and hostile but then it turned out to look and act like a ten-year-old kid. Easy.
And then another was it was some random World War or s/t and I had to transport these group of kids without a flashlight and it was dark and I kept getting worried that I was gonna lose some child.

Until I pick up my schedule: 4 days
When I woke up: nine thirty am est
Things I have eaten today: water and chicken parm. and pasta
Last song I scrobbled: The Mountain GoatsBroom People

BEDA DAY 7

Okay, so BEDA. I'm sick. And I've just started coughing.
I just woke up l o l.
My mom has been at my every beck and call since like, this morning. I haven't wanted food or anything to drink (besides water) all day. Which is nice, considering my mom has been really focused on other things for awhile. But all I've done all day is sleep.
I started watching Buffy like less than twenty-four hours ago. It's too good for words.
But, yeah. Nothing to really REPORT in my life. People wanna hang out and I'm both a) sick and b) sick of them. So thank goodness I'm sick so I can play the "I'm sick" card and not have to do anything.
Also my mom asked me what I needed for school and I said, "I dunno... pencils?" and she just looked and me and I said, "Oh! You meant clothing wise!" The nerd forever. I hope I can find another Ravenclaw folder because my old one is being held together by tape.
Also I need to shower............. HAHA

My dreams (considering I slept twelve hours on and off) consisted of being in Boston again (but not like with my friends, just the fact that we used a boat to go across the bay and get food). And there was a movie theater which was old and the roof leaked and there wasn't seperate theaters so much as areas where there was a screen and you would have headphones plugged in and all around you there were people watching other movies and playing arcade games. Also I was a demon slayer (like I said, I've been watching Buffy almost non-stop). And then somebody sent a hologram thing of the lagistics of their car and their hand was in the hologram thing and we ~held hands~ even though we were like six galaxies away.

Until I pick up my schedule: 5 days
When I woke up: twelve thirty
Things I have eaten today: just water UGH
Last song I scrobbled: Secondhand SerenadeTake Me With You

Friday, August 6, 2010

BEDA DAY 6

I DUNNO WHERE KATIE IS.
I just woke up. While sleeping I got like four calls and six text messages from my ~father~ asking me to call him/talk to him etc.
DON'T EXPECT THIS TO BE IMPORTANT OR ANYTHING
I've only just woken up. Okay so I was going to talk about fanfiction and fan art and the way we imagine fictional people complexly but then I watched John Green's new video so I thought I would talk about nostalgia?
I dunno. Looking for Alaska was a really good book (one of my favorites) actually. And Culver Creek seems like a school I would like, sans the insane heat and humidity. But also, nostalgia is a beautiful thing. You can't even begin to describe it. I have all these songs in my iTunes that are just connected to memories. Sad, and happy, and angsty and dumb and etc. Or I wear a shirt and go, "Oh I wore this shirt when I met...."or I read the same book every two years. Nostalgia is like remembering the past, and imaging the future.
Also I dreamed that John Darnielle started a band for kids that sounded like They Might Be Giants, and I got to see him perform at my cousin's house but I had to leave to get something and when I came back to the house he was gone. ):
Also I dreamed I had my guitar. I miss my guitar.

Until I pick up my schedule: 6 days
When I woke up: 10 pm (tried to type 10 at to. welp)
Things I have eaten today: french fries and a coke
Last song I scrobbled: Hermione Can't Draw - StarkidPotter

Thursday, August 5, 2010

BEDA DAY 5

A day is a good day when it is spent listening to wizard rock.

TODAY'S BLOG IS HARRY POTTER THEMED
I like Harry Potter.

1) Amortentia: What would it smell like?
  • melted cheese. either on pizza or for fries or nachos, cheese is always good fried
  • this sounds terribly corny, but that smell in the air when it's twilight and it's just rained/will rain
  • the third i think is a smell of the person that is your ~soul mate~ and nobody really knows WHO your soulmate is, unless you're a character in a book/movie. so this one is a mystery to me as well.
2) Boggart
Probably my parents yelling/fighting. I don't know if a boggart can be a multiform, but if it can, that's it. Or my friends not being able to handle life, and them in pain. It's a good thing america is not in a wizarding war, i couldn't stand my friends to be tortured ):

3) Patronus
I've always said cat. But I took one of those tests that said butterfly. But can you imagine a butterfly attacking a dementor? l o l But probably a cat or a butterfly.

When I woke up: About 7:37
Things I have eaten today: I had some coke and chicken parm. before falling asleep
Last song I scrobbled: Harry and the Potters - These days Are Dark

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

BEDA DAY 4

I. Am. Not. Good. At. This.
I haven't talked to Katie since yesterday morning, so. I don't know what we're talking about AT ALL. Whatever. Valerie talked about viriuses?? I will too??
I had this great desktop computer that I had from '06 or earlier. But I downloaded some program to download movies (the one thing I cannot download and watch are movies, or video in general).
And then my computer got infected and it wouldn't open iTunes or Firefox or ANYTHING.
So I cried for a bit because I was without a computer and it's all very sad.
My mom gave me her laptop because she has an IPHONE and doesn't NEED a computer. Whatever. But yeah, no more downloading videos. I'm bad at it.
Uh my dad? Let me rant on my dad? Or parenting in general?
Like, as a kid, as a child with parents, you think your parents are these great impenetrable forces of amazing that can fix every single problem in the world. Also you think your parents are soul mates. Almost always.
Fast forward fifteen years and my parents suddenly think they can tell their children (ie me) what they don't like about the other parent. They're both my parents, I have a blood obligation to love them. Also parents being fakes? Like my dad is always "I MISS YOU PLEASE COME BACK TO ME WE NEVER TALK ANYMORE" etc.
All of sudden he cares and my mom too. All of a sudden we're the most important thing in the world to them. But we're really not. We're a link to talk to the other parent, a bargaining chip, an unwilling therapist. It's kind of disgusting.
THOUGHT I COULD GET THROUGH BEDA WITHOUT WINING ABOUT MY PARENTS WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW. DAY FOUR.
(You don't need to comment telling me how much you love me, I already know.<3)

When I woke up: About 5pm.
What I listened to while writing this: THE MOUNTAIN GOATS
Things I have eaten today: A Rice Krispies Treat and half a blueberry muffin
Last song I scrobbled:The Mountain GoatsDeianara Crush

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

BEDA DAY 3

GUHHHHHHHH
Katie posted so I'm going to too????
I am, I am.
Um, I ate. And I drank the last can of coke and I had to resort to water at about five/six am.
So. Today I'm thinking of walking around?? Watch it be THE HOTTEST DAY OF THE YEAR or s/t. My mum got a ~new house~ and I wanna explore the neighborhood considering I'm probably going to walking home after school once school starts. And I know the area very well considering I kind of grew up in this general area of town, but I, being a teenager in this generation, have barely walked around... anywhere. Obviously, because I'm blogging, I don't go out much.
But yes, I'm quite excited. Kind of. Probably just gonna listen to my iPod and dance and feel awkward and sweat and miss my laptop.
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooor, I'll fall asleep at ten am.
Welp.

KATIE DIDN'T DO A CHALLENGE SO I DON'T THINK I HAVE TO EITHER

When I woke up: Six thirty pm. (It's eight-fourty five am now)
What I listened to while writing this: JGreen talking about the word "w00t"
Things I have eaten today: cheese fries from checkers and french fries from burger king & half a burger from there (despite it being called BURGER king, i enjoy mcdonald's burgers more)
Last song I scrobbled: Lady Gaga - Speechless

Monday, August 2, 2010

BEDA DAY PT. 2

I'M NOT GOING TO BE GOOD AT THIS.
I am John Green and I am not going to be good at BEDA. Terrible terrible terrible at it. It's only day two and I'm sitting on my bed wondering what the hell to write about.
Um last night was good? Some of my friends are doing VEDA/BEDA. Which owns. We're gonna be one big BEDA/VEDA family.
Um, I haven't eaten in like three days. I've drank soda and water and I ate some Oreos and I had a bite of a chicken sandwich but BESIDES that I haven't eaten at all. And last night I had a bad headache. :x
But, YEAH. Killed a spider in the shower unintentionally. That was great.
Uh, my family. Parents: separated. Three brothers, two younger (Michael and Robert) one older (Brandon). A dog (Shelby) and a cat (Haley). And then my ~best friends~ are like my family. We're like our own house at Hogwarts.
I hope you don't expect long, detailed blogs. Because you're not gonna get any.

FIVE WORDS I CONSTANTLY MISSPELL:
1) Misspell
2) Forty
3) Sandwich
4) Consciously
5) Especially

When I woke up: Six thirty pm. (It's eight forty--five pm now)
What I listened to while writing this: http://www.youtube.com/user/HeyKelsey (she's amazing) also Katie<3
Things I have eaten today: NOTHING
Last song I scrobbled: The ParselmouthsPrerequisites

Sunday, August 1, 2010

BEDA

REMEMBER the time I said I was going to do BEDA? I mean it this time. I have a ~BEDA Buddy~ named Katie, so she'll make sure I post and I'll make sure she does. >:)
Um an about me? Maybe? Sure.
I like the color blue and Harry Potter and Doctor Who and I drink Coke a lot and my sleep schedule is messed up because it's summer. School starts soon? End of August beginning of September?? I have to go in the twelfth to get my schedule for SCHOOL. I'm gonna be a sophomore at high school. I'm in the Pre-IB program at my high school and on academic probation because the SCHOOL SYSTEM has employabilty and I miss a lot of school because I'm a wimp. And I can't even Back to School shop yet because we're not supposed to get supplies until after the first day of school. THE WORST.
I dunno. I haven't really eaten in like three days. Welcome to summer vacation. And it's hot. IT'S SO HOT. The AC at my Mom's house doesn't work. So I've transformed my room into a cave to keep it (cool).
Um, I make a lot of ~jokes~ and ~references~. Also I have to read A Farewell to Arms and Joy Luck Club in like a month. Also some history book. Great, wonderful. Expect me yelling about how much I hate AFTA. The worst thing ever. I dunno. I dunno.
Harry Potter and Doctor Who and Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh and Sailor Moon and John Green and reading and Tumblr and Twitter and Skype and OMGPop and The Mountain Goats and etc.
And a little challenge ~thingy~ from my BEDA BUDDY Katie:
Five things you're into that we don't know (much) about.
1) Flowers. I love flowers. So much.
2) I collect the tabs off of Coke cans.
3) Sappy romantic comedies. I hate them to death but I can't help but love them.
4) Cheese fries. Oh my god cheese friends. With bacon on them and three kinds of cheese melted onto them.
5) Just really sappy romantic shit in general. Like dumb little romantic quotes that make your stomach sick? I love that shit.