Growing Up and Growing Old

It now occurs to me that I should have made a theme with blog titles, making them all song lyrics. Which is stupid and utterly cliche but I like that sort of thing so HA.
So on Twitter I said that I had an epiphany about my existence and then Scott told me to share it with the class so here we go:

I get why we care so much about fictional characters. Why we lust over actors who are twice our age or live in another country. Why we care about vampires and werewolves and wizards and time lords. I understand now. We spend all our time looking and caring about them, because we can never have them. There is a 100% chance that we will never be able to get The Doctor or Karen Gillan to be with us. They can never make us romantically happy. However, real people, real friends and enemies and co-workers and classmates can. And they might just. And sometimes we will feel things for people, but there's always that chance that they won't feel those things for us back. And so we just hide all the worry and the pain and the regret and maybes and never weres into caring about fictional people. Fictional people/actors will never love you back. But somebody you know, might actually. And then freaks us out.

OKAY. So, uh, back to your normally scheduled blog etc.

I act. It's a thing that I do. I love doing it. I've been into theater since, third grade. I got into theater the year after I got over stage fright. I don't how I got over it, really. I just did. Y'know how in High School Musical 3, Ms. Darbus tells Troy that he looks comfortable on stage, and Troy says it's a place he can think? That's me, really, in a nutshell. That's how I am. My friend and I were talking during acting the other day, and we still projected and were not blocking each other. It could have been a scene from any play, just from our staging, but it wasn't. It was just us, talking. I love to act. It used to be about the center of attention for me, but it's not anymore. I just love the theater and what it stands for and what it does for people and communities and etc. This year, I have this wonderful acting teacher, Mr. Mowry, and he has kind of become like my second non-father father figure. Well, third, if you count the Doctor. I just look up to him so much because he's brilliant and a bit nerdy but he obviously cares about what he's teaching and about his students and I kind of need a dad figure in my life. But he came up to me the other day and told me that he wanted me to sign up for Stagecraft because he gets what I'm about and that he knows me and he wants me to stick around and some other things but I was basically on air for the rest of the day. But Mr. Mowry really brought acting in this school alive this year. We had three amazing plays and one of the plays made it to the Florida State competition which is a huge honor in acting and etc etc etc. But I've just met so many awesome people this year. My best (IRL) friend Molly only became my best friend this year and I met Alexandra (who I call San Fran sometimes) and Pawel and Michael and Jordan and Lizzie and KJ and just a lot of people have made my life so good this year. But the thing is, Molly's going to be gone next year. She's a senior this year. KJ is only coming back for senior year because she's travelling the world. I'm losing all of my friends. People I've just met, though I would trust with my life. In stage, everyone does a little Prayer Circle/Warm Up before the show, and last night we had all the seniors and KJ make little speeches about how they love everyone etc and nobody cried then, and that was good. We all had to keep our makeup in tact. But at the cast party, at Applebee's, Molly cried and everyone made a speech and Mr. Mowry made a speech and I almost cried but I did not. It just doesn't seem real yet. I plan on finding a way into graduation, mind you. And I'm going to their Senior Prom, so I mean, maybe then I'll notice. One day I'll just break down probably. But, c'est la vie. But then after the cast party, like eight of us just stayed outside in a circle talking for half an hour. And then we relocated to Steak and Shake for fries and some Coke. And then we talked outside for another fifteen minutes. And then it was just me and Alexandra and our love of people that we hung out with that night.

Alexandra said something about acting and being in theater. And it's that you spend all this time and money for this show, and then it's only two shows. Or it's only three shows. And some people don't even come because they don't feel like it. And, I don't know. It just kind of stuck with me. That's kind of how life is, in general too. There's so much build up to everything and then, you can just miss it.

I had one of those late night adventures last night, and it felt great. It really did.